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A Chance To Do Things Over
'A Chance To Do Things Over' In this dream I felt myself being stirred back and forth like a raft in a sort of stream, able to see only behind me but never able to see the waters in front of me, which were pitch black and impenetrable by the Sun which shone above. While floating in this river, my mind progressed to the next part of the dream, in which I was seated in a three-legged chair in a light blue room. Then someone entered, a person wearing a flowing cloak who called themselves "Tantalus" and who shook my hand. With words that sounded to be like a made-up language but yet were understood with absolute ease by my dreaming mind, Tantalus told me of an offer, which was as follows: "you may live a month of your life over again, but you may only do this three times. The decisions you make during these three periods of time will alter your past and future self. You will still hold the memories of alternate histories within you, but only the histories you make will manifest in the real world." I agreed, and choose my first month of re-doing things. Tantalus reached out a long hand and touched my forehead, then everything turned to white and I was transported to the first do-over. The First Month It was sometime in middle spring about two years ago, when I reappeared in my bedroom. It was a Sunny day with only a few clouds in the sky, and matters as far as would appear to the normal eye seemed fine. They weren't however - I was trying to help someone suffering from depression online, and another individual helped me who later would prove to be both a very good helper, but also a great source of pain. (They were the person I've mentioned within the notes here.) Setting out to do what I had intended to do when sent by Tantalus from the future, I wrote a letter to the address of the girl who was helping me help others. I knew their address from when they'd give it to me in the future, within this timeline, but which was in the past of my timeline. The letter was roughly as follows: :Dear REDACTED, :It has been a month since we both met and began helping REDACTED, and I commend you for your diligence in doing so. Finding a person who is willing to care for others is rare in today's world, and so I want you to know your efforts are appreciated - not only by myself, but by many others. :Know though, that there will unfortunately be an upcoming dark period time in your life. Ask not how I know, nor be scared because of this, but all is not well. Soon, your parents will openly express hatred towards each-other and you will be neglected because of this. You will develop feelings for a person who will further drag you into this pit of darkness, and you'll end up self-harming as a way to numb the pain inside of you. :Don't do this. Even if these words don't make sense at the current time, they will very soon and again, don't be down on yourself! Enjoy your life not only while things are going well, but enjoy your life when things are not so well. Be happy! Write down three things that you're happy for each day. If one day you can't think of three things, then pray that you can. :There is nothing in life that can happen to you that is so bad as to justify self-harm or thinking you're worthless. :There is nothing in life that can get you permanently down if you refuse to let it get you down. :There is '''everything' in life for you if you have a good attitude and keep a smile on your face. :) So please, please stay upbeat and you'll find happiness in all sort of ways. Don't isolate yourself, remind yourself of how precious you are, and strive to do something good for others each day, to the best of your ability. I have seen the alternate outcome, and I know this is the best way.'' :Sincerely, REDACTED For the remaining thirty days of the first month, I politely yet firmly insisted the given people I was trying to help receive professional help, and told them I cared for them, but that I'd have to move on to other things. It was very hard for me, but having lived through the timeline in which I didn't distance myself initially, I knew it was the wisest way. I had saved myself from a deep future depression, and in doing so had also ensured these people would be more likely to receive actual help, and get better! During this month I spent time with my in-real-life friends and got more open with them, being out-spoken and in general, being the person I always wanted to be. At the end of the month I was sad, because I had to go, but I knew that I would live on in that timeline, and that I had done the right thing. My eyes welled up with silent tears as the world around me faded to white and I was brought to the second month I was given by Tantalus. The Second Month The second month was from fourth grade. At school there was a kid who stayed to himself and didn't say much, sitting on the bench next to the track field right there. I had bullied him by saying some really hurtful things, and it really hurt him, though he never said anything, I know it did. In this do-over timeline I remember going to the bench, and asking him why he was sitting alone. He simply replied "Because I want to.". Day by day, I'd ask him, and it was nearing the end of the month when I feared I might not be able to elicit another response out of him, till one day we talked, and we became good friends. My behavior during this month was so good that I was accepted back to a "normal" school, (for 'till then I had been in a school meant to help students with behavior problems and disabilities), and at the very end of the month I was gifted with having made many friends. My behavior was so good in fact, that my Mother decided to stay where she was living at the time, and things were well. Again, I was sad to go, but it was only right. The world gave way to a cascade of ivory as once more I felt Tantalus' power guide me to the third month. The Third Month? This was the final month, and I was torn up about how to spend it. - What period should I choose? There have been some mistakes I've made in life so far, but there were also some very good times that I wish I had lived again. So I decided not to choose the third month, and instead was back in the room I had first met Tantalus in. He showed me what my future was now like. I had friends, everyone I cared for was faring well, and there was nothing to be upset over anymore. I found myself once more in the river in the beginning, and everything was blissful. Then the dream ended. Dreamer: Xorshaffe __NOEDITSECTION__ Category:Dreams Category:Long Dreams Category:Bittersweet Dreams Category:Xorshaffe's Dreams